off.
was it too much to take? did you have nowhere to go? was the silence in your head more deafening than the bombs going off in your heart? how about, then, the people youre leaving behind? so many unanswerable questions float around in the space about my head when i think of suicide and the rationale behind it. i just dont understand why someone would choose to cause endless suffering to everyone around them just to put an end to their own bout of unhappiness. i get that there are some people too weak to handle how obscure life is. and maybe some people strong enough to accept all their hardships, but too proud to ever ask for help. this week saw the second person i know to have offed herself. i dont know her personally, but i have friends who do. i have friends who are close to her boyfriend. her boyfriend, who is shattered and probably blaming himself (as her family probably is too). the same way one of my friends blames herself for her boyfriend killing himself last year. her boyfriend, who was a good friend of mine. so why do it? for the sake of being able to take the easy route around actually having to go through this piece of shit we call life? or was it to spare everyone else of their uncanny ability to be constantly depressed? either way, the outcome is the same. a missing soul and a following of hopeless mourners. i pray for all the people who are close to losing themselves, that they find that bit of themselves that holds some significance; and that they cling on to that with all they have.
