December 2011
1 post
corpse/you.
it is forfeit, and you are faking it.
where do you go to fade into the background? is it cold where you are?
November 2011
1 post
and i,
ive run out of ways to run from you. turns out, thats something i just cant do.
October 2011
2 posts
nature.
its like sitting on a breaking chair. you attempt to distribute your weight evenly but end up tilting too much. topple.
its human nature, i guess, that when we manage to get ourselves back up, it isnt a new chair we look for. its a different way to sit.
the way my skin tingles every single time i read,...
it is a delicate thing, the spine. filled with enough to keep a human body upright, filled with too little to withstand a heavy blow.
a self-given nickname a monument a fortress.
unlike the others, the spine resides strategically so that it can be supported by others without having to stand the weight of their offering.
a backbone, literal and not a thing of beauty a home.
you, my dear...
September 2011
1 post
zatturday.
“will you always be my friend?” she asked with an unsaid “no matter what, no matter how many times i lose my temper, no matter how many times you get sick of me, no matter how many times i get sick of you.” i didnt even need to think about it. my answer came as quickly and as surely as a sinking ship. i realised at that point, that it wasnt just another question friends...
July 2011
1 post
last night.
you hold me close, but not too close because of her. and still, it is barely close enough. you breathe me in as i do you, you keep me from falling while you unknowingly feel my skin the way you always have.
and then youre gone, not before you secretly and unintentionally… oh, how I love you. do you miss me? because i miss you. i miss all of you, and everything that comes after that.
and then...
June 2011
1 post
as if.
to be completely honest, i hate the way she writes about you. but it is not a hatred borne of insecurity and jealousy. no, it is instead one that revolves around how little she knows you. how little she knows, and how much she thinks she knows;
the way she speaks of you as an object, a possession. something for her to conquer.
but you are not to be conquered by anyone, you are a free spirit...
April 2011
3 posts
sunrise, rise again.
its six oclock again. it seems like its always six oclock these days. i am a little more messy than id like to be tonight and i cant figure out why. there is this strange pull and i feel it not in my heart or head, but on my feet. i feel as if im being dragged away from home, from familiarity. dragged into someone else’s subconscious and forced to live their life, work their job, raise...
dance! dance! dance! dance!
do you remember when we danced? because i do. i remember when we danced in the dark, with our friends around us; in your chair, seated with arms gripped tight around each other. i remember when we danced to our own tunes. i remember how our movements always matched up even when no one expected them to. and i know they’d do the same today, our movements are more than we are. they are...
a-way.
so i watched you from behind,
a quiet desperation in your eyes.
so i listened when you cried,
i held you through the night.
so you trusted me with your dreams,
but you picked at our seams.
so youve chosen to be apart,
and youve given her your heart.
this is where i stop,
and start again;
and stop and start,
and stop and start.
so youve chosen to be apart,
and you’ll always...
March 2011
2 posts
fuck off.
im taken back to a time where war raged on outside our walls and we remained unfazed. we knew not what war was or how it worked and so, we stayed calm.
…i am lying in your bed, arms and legs carelessly thrown over its edge. there is no one home but us and i can hear you coming back to me; with that slight shuffle you flood my inner ears with everytime you move.
you ease your way over me,...
My Talking Bird (thank you, deathcab).
my distaste for your current choice of lie (lifestyle) disarms me. i am a sudden hush of limbs breaking apart at the joint, a sea of uneven fingertips and feathered hair. the decay of your mortality is as unnerving as every anxiety attack i have to plough through; with minimal motivation and maximum strength. are you more afraid of the being youve become, or the being you truly are?
an alien to...
February 2011
2 posts
thirteen and still not expired.
in a field of Cassiope, i am swollen with various inclinations. i want to stay, i want to run and i want to hit something. hard. i have acquired an immunity to certain beautiful things,
but heather, heather i could stare at for decades. perhaps its because of the fact that it is a timeless beauty; kind of like an oasis. kind of like you.
you, an oasis, timeless.
with a child’s innocence,...
before bed.
sometimes i cant sleep. sometimes i cant sleep and i remember you holding me up against time. a tender and unwavering grip you had (have) on me. how you could lift me off the ground and whisk me off to… wherever, it was up to you and i was ready for the ride. more often than not, the rain never mattered. i didnt care how soaked we got and i dont think you did either. i am naturally a dark person,...
January 2011
2 posts
today, we are one.
everyday, i fall. everyday, you fall with me. you fell slightly too quickly, you were in a rush to get nowhere. now here, we still stand. eventually, we will fall again. eventually.
everything rides on your option. yes or no, leave or follow. you still know me, eventually.
unnecessary.
dont place your need to prove freedom over actually being free, dont place your need to prove indifference over your need for me. dont need me, want me.
December 2010
3 posts
for my eleventh.
you are an imbalance of yes and no, you are turning from both friend and foe. you, are i on a cold day.
you are surrounded by a bubble of mistrust, you and your hurt turn to rust. you are everything a woman should be.
you are fierce and unwavering, you are gentle and sometimes unforgiving. you are my first breath every morning.
This Poem Is Incomplete.
she is running, running. she leans, she leans. i am ablaze in the dust shes swept up to disguise her exit, she fumbles for excuses and cold responses. she is hiding beneath a mountain of waste; her waste. wasted light. she fumbles and i fall. she spits at me and i clean the dribble off the side of her mouth. she throws stones, i make them into poems; always for her. i am a stupid person, a waste....
yes,
i want to move, i want to remain still. i want to be quiet, i want to remain until the rain steals your breath and the mud stains my dress. i want to move, i want remain still. i want to be quiet, i will remain until.
November 2010
4 posts
losing my lashes.
they fall like ashes on a smokey terrain, covering the ground in a grey so unmistakable. they fall as they see fit, leaving my eyes unprotected. weak hands, we are both here. locked in a whirlwind of what we cant and wont say : i am content and unheard, i am a mound of emotions. i am sufficient and light, i am the breeze that cools you while you sleep. you dont have to understand a woman....
dont worry, White.
i could watch you forever; the curves in your fingers, those few strands of hair completely out of place.
i could watch you forever.
to reach over and touch you would be unacceptable, to hold you in the dark would be a crime.
and so i sit here, we sit here. silence falling over us like rain, and i watch you.
you are more beautiful than i remember you being.
what im doing.
i smoke too much now. every little breath i inhale is filled air from elsewhere, but i smoke anyway. i listen to songs that remind me of you. everything reminds me of you. i know its hard. i wade in shallow pools of your scent. its funny how after all this time, its the only thing that puts me to sleep. everything is obsolete. i have been with friends, i have been alone. i am taking life by the...
oooh.
and its true that till today, id give anything to feel your light. id toss pebbles into the calmest seas hoping that the ripples i create reach you in time, my precious one. my darkest work of art.
October 2010
4 posts
Come Home.
i completely lost my grip last night; opted for insanity and ignorance and in turn, lost you. i completely lost myself last night; left my soul in someone’s cab and tore my shoes.
i completely overreacted last night; worried myself into a pit of melancholy and left you disappointed.
i didnt make it home last night. i left my heart in your back pocket and walked away wearing that fake smile...
cant fall forever.
there are swirls of orange and yellow, a dusty hue of reds and purples. her eyes meet mine every so often and i catch myself hoping for a glimmer of peace between us. those moments come swift but are just as quickly replaced with a dislike so intense, it unnerves me. i am not sure where these emotions will carry us, but i know that we will go through them together. the motions, the unexpected...
the only Man ill ever love.
i wonder what my grandpa would say about me now, if only death hadnt stolen him so many years ago. sometimes i dont think ive done enough for him to be proud of, other times i imagine him beaming at the thought of his little girl growing up. growing up; ive had to do so much of that too fast and ive recently started to feel stunted by my own growth. but at least, im still carrying on. i miss the...
substituting me.
there is the rise, and then the sink. our breaths falling over us like dew on a tree’s hair. a war of grenades in our lungs, our speech is now painted with words we will eventually regret.
if you think about it, how often do we replace the things we promise never to leave? everyone is left wondering, wandering; at a loss but never really lost. (we are never lost.)
the war rages on, our...
September 2010
1 post
draught.
i walked away from the place that held all familiarity and out into the street. the pavement was a cold, soft olive, stained with memories and attempts to complete our purpose of Forever. a little time apart never hurt anyone. a little time apart wont hurt me. occasionally, i allow myself to be swept up in the draught, forgetting all reason; clinging slightly too tight because sometimes, just...
August 2010
3 posts
of us.
if we keep still and keep it hushed, no one will find us here. not even the anger in us we keep stored for bitter moments. no one knows our secret place like we do. its the line between love and disappointment that challenges us; the line that connects the curves of your face to the crook of my neck. and if you keep real still, sometimes you hear our quiet desperation for each other. this is the...
wasted time.
are you afraid that we’ll lose ourselves to a failed attempt? that we’ll become a blank page filled with contempt? cause i get confused sometimes. i dont understand the need for arguments and our lackluster energy and in turn, forget that breathing is secondary. for what is breath without a reason to sustain it? we wouldnt have come all this way for something that didnt fit. i guess...
seezle.
away and away she goes, washing up with the tide, falling away with the flow. the amalgamation of her being and his denial fell over her like dew over the morning. all the while he threatened to leave and she fought back with a desperation that pushed him farther still.
i have dreams to make her understand it the way i do; i have hopes of one day calling to arms the many who pledge themselves to...
July 2010
6 posts
stagnant.
leaves turn to ash and fall right through my hair. they collect at my feet and rebuild themselves into works of art. they continue to fall apart, time and time again, each time remaking themselves into better, more beautiful things, only to be broken down into bits and pieces, particles and finally atoms that explode with all the light of a billion stars.
every time this happens, the world stops....
al one.
just for today, id like to sit in the allconsuming dark. leave the windows and curtains shut and remain in the air heavy with last night. the air weighed with sleep and dreams, with my inability to understand sooner.
of all the things i thought id be able to grasp; past, present and future, this is not what i expected myself to lack. im so sorry.
just for today, id like to sit in the...
the man #2.
if i could decide how i felt, how i was to react, it would make it alot easier to talk to him about the situation at hand. it would help me help him.
but i dont know anymore. the breeze has swept me up in its tyranny, refusing to set me back down on my feet. a whirlwind of distress, if you will; and i no longer have a clear landing passage.
help me; help me help him. somehow.
> 400$.
“whats your worth? how do you measure something so endless?” contemplating the idea of the earth’s population in its entirety, i get anxious and decide to spend my time thinking of the people who fill my life instead. We Are Not Alone. You Are Not Alone. He Aint Heavy, She’s My Brother. heat and sound resonate from the pores beneath the leaves and the birds have never sung...
with me.
today, for the first time, i took in the sun. i did not shield my eyes from its harshness, i did not succumb to the everlasting need to run and hide. sunk into my flesh like a worm in the mud, i collected all its rays in the palm of my hand. the shirt on my back, the strands of my hair. the silk of her skin.
she is the everlasting. and i, the need to run and not hide. run, running, shes going...
in(spirit).
fostered care, under the protection of the Almighty. hiding in the shadows of a harboured love. safe now, in the grasp and eyes of the lover she swallows whole, wholly. into my gut and in the palm of my hand. i hold you, i hold you. we can only try everyday, we can only give in. there is no light and no darkness, only the intention and feel. only the goodness and purity of a good deed, a heart...
June 2010
2 posts
iron.
i put pen to paper but i dont let them meet. the ink hovers a bit above my blank slate and i attempt to let the words fall as they may. ‘youve been so far away lately, your thoughts constantly elsewhere. youre asleep and im awake, youre asleep and im at stake. i worry, i worry.’
C.
vines wrap themselves around her in a shroud of gold and glitter, the seasons have tightened their grip on yet another being, taking him from this earth and all its bitterness. my friend, left shaken, mourns his disappearance. like an earthquake passing through a city of towering buildings and gleaming lights, his memory forces her to hide herself in safety. what to do now, how to carry on. these...
May 2010
3 posts
elyse.
if i could be where you are now, believe me i would. id rush through streets and down hills of stones, id forget my flesh and my own bones; to be near to you.
if you understood the depths of my love, the instant joy, the wings of a dove. if you knew how you taught me to love the wind, the trees and simplicity, you’d understand why i always want to keep you near to me.
id lift you to the...
energy.
it has recently become more apparent to me how negativity attracts nothing but bad energy. take for instance, the people who believe in horoscopes. now im not saying horoscope readings are/arent true, but the higher your positivity, the more likely you are to take away a better message from it. im not one for horoscope definitions, but today i noticed the pattern among some of my friends. the...
finally.
finally, my thoughts have started to solidify. i have returned from days of swimming through them like clouds of envy and uncertainty. and all it took was an outsider to profess faith in our strength.
i allowed myself to be temporarily blinded by my all-consuming dislike and forged a bond between me and the anti-her that lived in my brain. she was a monster with fangs for teeth and a sharp mind...
April 2010
8 posts
off.
was it too much to take?
did you have nowhere to go?
was the silence in your head more deafening than the bombs going off in your heart?
how about, then, the people youre leaving behind?
so many unanswerable questions float around in the space about my head when i think of suicide and the rationale behind it. i just dont understand why someone would choose to cause endless suffering to everyone...
watch.
its funny how a single smell triggers so many images. i get a whiff from my watch and i see you, shirtless and beautiful, your hair wet from your shower, lying next to me. your face in the gap between my arm and my body. my hand in yours. my hand is yours. you let out a sigh and move closer, squeezing me tenderly every few minutes. all i have to do is close my eyes and youre right where i am. your...
Etiquette; My Favourite Pieces #4.
Marcia Ong.
“Kristy, you are wearing a dress.”
APPROPRIATE FEMALE ATTIRE :
- a dress that covers the knees (even our uniforms had to be this long). - kitten heels/mary janes/fancy sandals (sneakers are meant for sports, not everyday use and slippers are far too casual). - a strapless/sleeveless top MUST be worn with a cardigan/shawl. - bermudas were made for boys. - NO...
Etiquette; My Favourite Pieces #3.
Jane Porter.
“swagger.”
a Lady should,
sit with her legs crossed. walk with perfect posture. have long, beautiful hair. shave her legs. be polite and demure. have dreams to raise her children and live for her family.
i am more of a Lady than you could imagine.
i cross my leg, i sit with them over the arm of a chair, i sit with one leg up on the seat while the other is left to hang...
Etiquette; My Favourite Pieces #2.
Chia Xiao Ling.
“restraint.”
“sits with legs crossed.” “blushes at porn.” “never show too much skin.” “no tongue on the first time.” “never the f* word.” “no expressed opinions till asked for one.” “no vices.”
all these in the forms of medallions. to award the most decent female? oh, please. this is...
Etiquette; My Favourite Pieces #1.
Tania De Rozario.
“tell me a secret.”
have you ever been afraid to be heard? because youre a woman? have you ever been told to keep your mouth shut because its no one else’s business? i have.
i went through a year of being told to pipe down. even when it was my right as a human being to speak. going to my girlfriends was a sin, starting an argument so that we actually talked...
stability.
they fall down around me now, my words. like shards of glass falling through the sky from a building about to collapse, my words fall down around me. i dont know what to think or feel. i have lost my solid ground; i search for stability. amidst the riot i spot a familiar face. a somewhat distant reminder of certainty. im not sure who it is, so i choose not to follow. my head is in knots, my...